I am a nanny. I adore what I do and love caring for and bonding with the children I nanny for. I have many sweet faces and sweeter hearts in my life because of my choice of employment. You might think that would be a way to meet like-minded people...and some are! But some definitely are NOT.
I am a member of several Social Media groups on being a professional nanny. One of the is called Nannies in Relationships/Married. Hmmm...where should I begin? I guess I should preface this to say I am no longer a member of this particular group, and I will tell you why.
Last Sunday, a new member of the group posted the question, "Who here has cheated on their SO (significant other)? PM if you don't want to discuss in public forum." First of all, I think the question is tacky. Cheating on a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancé...well, it's a commitment to love one and not put any other ahead of that one. Or at least that is what I (in my naiveté) thought.
I have been married for 26 years. We have two beautiful sons whom are working, productive members of society. One is dating his high school sweetheart, the other is still searching for that special someone. I am most of the time happy in my marriage. In the times I am not, I decided long ago that love is a choice and my choice was my husband, for better OR worse. In sickness AND health. Well, you get the idea.
As I was reading through the answers some of my perceived peers were giving, I came across a couple that said, "Well, yes. I believe in polyamorous love." Or, "We have an "open" marriage, so it's not considered cheating." Or my personal favorite, "I believe in the practice of "Ethical Non Monogamy." I'm sorry, but that entire answer is a misnomer in that "ethical" and "non-monogamy" do not go together in the institution of marriage.
I commented on the question asked, "No. I have been married...blah, blah, blah. What the heck is Ethical Non-Monogamy? It sounds like an excuse to not be faithful in your marriage" after which I was basically hung out to dry. I was told I was narrow minded and judgmental. Non tolerant and cruel. Well, if I am all of those things because I believe that marriage is a joining of one man and one woman, in FORSAKING ALL OTHERS, so be it!
That whole way of thinking is disgusting to me. I am older, almost 50 to be exact. But I don't believe that changing times is an excuse to be an 'ethical cheater'. How crazy is that? Imagine what our ancestors would be thinking if they woke up in 2018 and found their great-great grandson was married to a lovely girl...but they had an "open" marriage so who knows who the father of the children are. Am I alone in my thinking?
I will say that I am a born again, Bible believing Christian. I am not going to say that I understand a bit of what polyamory or non-monogamy is. It goes against everything I've ever been taught or that I believe. I don't feel that I am judging a person who believes these things as much as I am condemning the ACTION of committing these things. Who ends up being hurt in an arrangement like this? If both spouses agree, what if one changes their mind? What about the person that is a habitual cheater married to someone who has no clue of their spouses actions? Who would be hurt-- the couple who are in "agreement" to cheat, the cheater in the traditional marriage or the uninformed spouse- when one discovers the entire sordid affair?
I'll tell you who gets hurt. Everyone. Everyone will be hurt in this situation because it is not right. It is not ethical. It is not anything but an excuse to cheat on your spouse. And eventually the repercussions will catch up with you. In the STD you now carry. In the children you have put through a painful divorce. In the feelings of never having someone who will love YOU best, for better or for worse. Because it will one day culminate into when you no longer want this type of relationship, but your spouse doesn't want to stop. Or your diagnosis of cancer is 3 days old but your spouse still has their own life to live, because they never stopped the dance of romancing others.
Wake up people. There is so much more to life, so much more to marriage than having sex. It's time to really delve into why loving one person is not enough for you. Before you hurt someone so badly it cannot be fixed. That person may be you.
**All opinions expressed in this blog are my own and as such are not up for discussion.**
I am a member of several Social Media groups on being a professional nanny. One of the is called Nannies in Relationships/Married. Hmmm...where should I begin? I guess I should preface this to say I am no longer a member of this particular group, and I will tell you why.
Last Sunday, a new member of the group posted the question, "Who here has cheated on their SO (significant other)? PM if you don't want to discuss in public forum." First of all, I think the question is tacky. Cheating on a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancé...well, it's a commitment to love one and not put any other ahead of that one. Or at least that is what I (in my naiveté) thought.
I have been married for 26 years. We have two beautiful sons whom are working, productive members of society. One is dating his high school sweetheart, the other is still searching for that special someone. I am most of the time happy in my marriage. In the times I am not, I decided long ago that love is a choice and my choice was my husband, for better OR worse. In sickness AND health. Well, you get the idea.
As I was reading through the answers some of my perceived peers were giving, I came across a couple that said, "Well, yes. I believe in polyamorous love." Or, "We have an "open" marriage, so it's not considered cheating." Or my personal favorite, "I believe in the practice of "Ethical Non Monogamy." I'm sorry, but that entire answer is a misnomer in that "ethical" and "non-monogamy" do not go together in the institution of marriage.
I commented on the question asked, "No. I have been married...blah, blah, blah. What the heck is Ethical Non-Monogamy? It sounds like an excuse to not be faithful in your marriage" after which I was basically hung out to dry. I was told I was narrow minded and judgmental. Non tolerant and cruel. Well, if I am all of those things because I believe that marriage is a joining of one man and one woman, in FORSAKING ALL OTHERS, so be it!
That whole way of thinking is disgusting to me. I am older, almost 50 to be exact. But I don't believe that changing times is an excuse to be an 'ethical cheater'. How crazy is that? Imagine what our ancestors would be thinking if they woke up in 2018 and found their great-great grandson was married to a lovely girl...but they had an "open" marriage so who knows who the father of the children are. Am I alone in my thinking?
I will say that I am a born again, Bible believing Christian. I am not going to say that I understand a bit of what polyamory or non-monogamy is. It goes against everything I've ever been taught or that I believe. I don't feel that I am judging a person who believes these things as much as I am condemning the ACTION of committing these things. Who ends up being hurt in an arrangement like this? If both spouses agree, what if one changes their mind? What about the person that is a habitual cheater married to someone who has no clue of their spouses actions? Who would be hurt-- the couple who are in "agreement" to cheat, the cheater in the traditional marriage or the uninformed spouse- when one discovers the entire sordid affair?
I'll tell you who gets hurt. Everyone. Everyone will be hurt in this situation because it is not right. It is not ethical. It is not anything but an excuse to cheat on your spouse. And eventually the repercussions will catch up with you. In the STD you now carry. In the children you have put through a painful divorce. In the feelings of never having someone who will love YOU best, for better or for worse. Because it will one day culminate into when you no longer want this type of relationship, but your spouse doesn't want to stop. Or your diagnosis of cancer is 3 days old but your spouse still has their own life to live, because they never stopped the dance of romancing others.
Wake up people. There is so much more to life, so much more to marriage than having sex. It's time to really delve into why loving one person is not enough for you. Before you hurt someone so badly it cannot be fixed. That person may be you.
**All opinions expressed in this blog are my own and as such are not up for discussion.**
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